from Marcy Dermansky and Jurgen Fauth
It’s not all popcorn and free movies: the lives of film critics are fraught with danger. Sore backs, headaches, and loss of faith in cinema as an art form are only some of the risks we bravely face on a day to day basis—so you won’t have to. From the megaplex to the art house, the world of movies is a minefield, and this is our list of the most explosive dissapointments of the year.
1) Match Point
It feels as if Woody Allen isn’t even trying anymore. Scarlett Johansson is utterly wasted in this shoddily written and executed morality tale about unlikable posh Londoners and one homicidal, social climbing tennis pro. “Annie Hall” wasn’t just light years ahead of this mess, it was also shorter.
2) The Brothers Grimm
Oh Terry, what grim disillusionment. A third class theme park ride, much too dark for children, too familiar for adults, and too lame for either audience. Nobody who’s seen the Ents march on Isengard will be thrilled by your animatronic branches.
3) Sin City
We like a little story with our orgies of decapitation and wanton violence. Our lizard brains might enjoy these obvious, ripped-off noir-light tales of sex and blood, but what about the rest of our heads? Since there’s nothing else going on, the extremely stylish look is wasted. Miller and Rodriguez are threatening a sequel.
4) Brokeback Mountain
No, we’re not homophobic, but a quickie in a tent followed by years of lying, mumbling, and being mean to their wives and daughters did nothing to endear Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal’s simple-minded shepherds to us. Ang Lee’s artfulness can’t hide the basic emptiness of this story. A plodding disappointment, stretched out to marathon length and hyped beyond belief.
5) The Aristocrats
Potty humor is potty humor, no matter how many of your talented friends you line up to deliver the punch line. The only worthwhile joke belonged to Sarah Silverman, and she has her own movie.
6) 5×2
Francois Ozon tells the story of a disintegrating marriage, backwards. But by making the couple miserable examples of human beings, it’s impossible to give a damn. Ugh, times five.
7) The War of the Worlds
No, it’s not an independent or world film by any stretch of the imagination. But we can still feel the industrial-strength headaches this utterly superfluous blockbuster gave us, so it deserves getting dissed one last time. (Spielberg, by the way, more than regained our respect with the powerful drama “Munich.”)
Reel Paradise
Nobody needed “reality cinema,” and we’d bet my friendly neighbor’s vacation video is more gripping than the Pearson family’s tale of running a movie theater in the Fiji islands.
9) Don’t Move
In this preposterously bad Italian art-house drama, Penelope Cruz falls passionately in love with her rapist. Making herself ugly to gain respect (a move cribbed from Charlize Theron), Cruz dons false teeth, tacky blue eye shadow and impossibly bad clothes to prove her depth as an actress.
10) Breakfast on Pluto
For an audience that has seen “Hedwig and the Angry Inch,” “Velvet Goldmine,” and Neil Jordan’s own “Crying Game,” it takes more than transvestites, tacky magicians, and the IRA for a truly fresh experience. Cillian Murphy’s considerable charms couldn’t save this timid and predictable adaptation of Patrick McCabe’s novel.
By Silence Genti
For years, an uneasy relationship has been the norm between the Zimbabwe Broadcasting Corporation (ZBC) and independent film producers. The latter complained of the state-owned broadcaster’s closed- door policy against them. ZBC has in its twenty years of existence not done much local entertainment production. Most of its programming has been, and is, foreign.
In November 1999, Daves Guzha, an actor and director of a Zimbabwean arts management company, Rooftop Promotions presented a television pilot project to the ZBC. After long negotiations with the ZBC board, the co-production of Waiters, a popular stage comedy began in October 2000. Zimbabwean viewers were finally able to watch a quality, locally-produced sitcom towards the end of last year. Why has it taken so long for the ZBC to enter into such co-productions? “Some people have attempted to do it before. They have been doing it the wrong way,” said Guzha. “You have to meet each other half way.” It would have cost Creative Native (Rooftop’s film unit) Z$4.6 million (US$84,000) to produce the set of six episodes of Waiters. But because ZBC brought in its equipment into the partnership, only Z$1,5 million (US$27,000) was pumped into the production. Under Creative Native’s agreement with ZBC, the state broadcaster assumes the territorial rights whilst the independent film producer retains a larger portion of the regional and international rights to the comedy. Creative Native also gets all the proceeds from the sale of the video which the company will produce initially for the Zimbabwean market. Directed by experienced British theatre and stage director Roy Barber, the sitcom is set in a café owned by three men of different races. The first five instalments, written by prolific playwright Steve Chifunyise, deal with the problems the three face in getting their restaurant licensed and establishing a customer base. Young actor Jasen Mpepho, is sure to win audiences with his infectious smile and lively conduct as the Mozambican chef. “It’s long overdue,” said Walter Mparutsa, a veteran of over twenty local and international feature films. Mparutsa is one of the many talented actors in the comedy. He believes Waiters will make a difference because people with the right skills have been used.
Contact: Rooftop Promotions, tel: +263 4 775371, email: rooftop@zol.co.zw
From Diana Saenger
The 1933 picture “King Kong” became not only one of Hollywood’s most acclaimed movies of all times, it saved the RKO studio from bankruptcy. Directors Merian C. Cooper and Ernest B. Schoedsack’s vision to create a 50-foot monster that hoped to eat a five-foot tall beauty (Fay Wray) for breakfast, paid off. “King Kong” is the all-time classic, ranking 43 on the American Film Institute’s list of Top-100 American movies, and who can forget those images of King Kong atop the Empire State building fighting off the biplanes tiring to kill him.
Warner’s newly restored and digitally mastered 2-Disc Collector’s Edition also contains a copy of the original March 24, 1933 program for the screening of “King Kong” at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood and color cards of the original posters.
When Merian C. Cooper exposed his idea about King Kong to a possible backer, he probably held his breath that he wouldnt be shipped off to a lonely bin. Luckily that idea turned the film into a profit for RKO of $1.75 million and saved the studio.
The film is so amazing, that in 2005 Academy Award-winning director Peter Jackson , who admits “King Kong” has been his favorite movie of all time and inspired him to be a filmmaker, released his newest version of the incredible horror film. James A. Creelman and Ruth Rose (Ernest B. Schoedsack’s wife), original screenwriters of the 1933 film, could pat themselves on the back if they were still around (Creelman committed suicide in 1941), that their story has held up and is the basic plot of Jackson’s new film as well.
The story of documentary film producer Carl Denham (Robert Armstrong) who longed to take a ship to an undiscovered island and pit a beauty against a beast was not only a milestone for horror and fantasy fans, the humanistic aspect that a pretty blonde could tame a beast appealed, and looking at the 2005 box office receipts, still appeals, to movie fans across the board. The new Warner version begins with a melody from Max Steiner’s impressive soundtrack of the film, which you may be tempted to fast forward through, but should really listen to, because since the film has little dialogue and is mostly visual, it backs up those visuals impeccably.
Carl discovers Ann Darrow (Wray) only hours before he compels the captain of the Venture to set sail out of Manhattan quickly, as the several people looking for Carl are fast on his heels. At first Ann questioned Carl’s motives, but understanding that he wants to feature her in one of his movies with prehistoric animals, and the fact that she’s really down and out, she agrees.
Ann, the only woman aboard, is ignored by the ship’s Captain Englehorn (Frank Reicher) as he has too much to oversee. However, Ann’s beauty does not escape adventurer John “Jack” Driscoll (Bruce Cabot), who soon announces he’s in love with Ann. Driscoll is rumored to be modeled in personality and demeanor after filmmaker Ernest B. Schoedsack.
The romance is perfect for Carl, who has been chastised for the lack of romance in his pictures. Now he’ll have romance AND adventure.
The adventure starts almost immediately when the ship sails into the mist-covered Skull Island. The sound of the native drums is like an enticement of gold to Carl, who orders the crew to board the rowboats for shore. Once there the crew encounters a bunch of natives having a ceremony to present one of their island girls to the beast, Kong, as his bride. But once he sees Ann, the chief decides she will be a better offering and begins to banter with Englehorn about trading for her.
Now, one must admit it’s a far stretch that Englehorn would be able to understand this primitive language, especially since he never even knew about this island, but one goes along with it for the sake of the adventure.
The crew makes their way back to the boat agreeing to address the issue with the chief the next day. But during the night the islanders make a raid on the boat and kidnap Ann. By the time the men make their way on shore, Ann has been strung up by her wrists, gets her first look at Kong and let’s out her first blood-curdling scream as the towering beast tramps through the jungle towards her.
As Carl and the men hunt for Ann, they’re attacked by one kind of dinosaur after another. The animals kill some men, and although it’s obvious now that at times some scenes were filmed with the actors on a treadmill against a rear projection screen, the method worked back then to up the fright quotient.
Except for Jack and Carl, all the crew that went ashore is soon killed by historic creatures. Jack sends Carl back to the boat for help and more bombs they brought along, while he goes to look for Ann. She’s begging cuddled by Kong who treats her like his own little doll. He fights off other giant lizards and snakes about to eat her.